You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
