We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
