I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
