I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
So. Much. Porn.
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