Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
