We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
