Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
