Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
