I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
