Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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