He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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