you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just googled if crying burns calories
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
