I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
