your parents love me but you hate me
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
