It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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