kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
