By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
