her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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