i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
