He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
