We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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