I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
