The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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