She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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