he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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