im drinking this country out of the recession.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Someone came in the potted fern
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
