I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
