I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
