I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Barsexuality is the new black.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
