Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
