They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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