ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
