My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
