i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
