I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
