yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Congratulations! We have a period
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
