i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
