don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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