can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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