omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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