The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
