Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
