and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
