my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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