you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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