I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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