Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
