Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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