u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm jealous of your bromance
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
