it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
