life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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