she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i think i just lost a toe
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
