Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
