If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
