I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
