I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
