my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
