he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
