She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
worst night to have a conscience
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
