you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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