i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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