Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
