Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
