Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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