well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
