you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
