he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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