I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
