New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
