I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
