life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
